Meet The Dionne Quintuplets Gender: Female.
Ages: 81 or 405 collectively
Body Type: Age has not been kind to the Dionne Quintuplets, as their depression-era malnourished and underweight pony bodies grew into frail and cancerous horse bodies. This was indeed the case up until 3 years ago, when the Quintuplets' trainer replaced their regular Equus-type diet of hay and apples with a magical revival formula comprised of Redbull and vodka. Now the women stand tall, with renewed girth and vigour. However, they do have the occasional "heart palpitation hangover", the plaguing side-effect of the Redbull Vodka elixir
Style: Polished hooves and a shiny coat.
Best Asset: Their charming French-Canadian accent and adorable joile terminology, esti!
Seeking: Five gorgeous stallions. Or, alternatively, one HUMUNGO zebra. Desired partner should be well-travelled (a "globe-trotter" if you will? Ba-dumdum CHING!) , good with children and pets, and an avid reader of manga.
About The Dionne Quintuplets
Before their was Nadya Suleman, the Angelina-obsessed octopus baby maker... there were: Annette lillyon Marie Dionne Cécile Marie Emilda Dionne Émilie Marie Jeanne Dionne Marie Reina Alma Dionne ...and who could forget... Yvonne Edouilda Marie Dionne These are the names of Canada's tiniest icons, the Dionne Quintuplets. These national heroes are upstaged only by Hero Burger joint on Queen Street in Toronto (a semantic victory, really). These five baby girls were the first identical quintuplets to survive infancy! And though their day of fame has passed, a nationalist equestrian with obsessive-compulsive disorder has revived this chapter in our history books though five fine mares.
Now I know what you are all dying to ask... and the answer is no! They don't all dress alike. "We each have our own unique style and personality. The belief that identical quintuplets dress and act the same is a myth promoted in popular culture. The same with talking horses." I inquired further about Ed the Talking Horse. The five sisters then scuffed at me. Marie Reina even whinnied and kicked her back foot.
After breaking the ice with the usual small talk - "what brand of horseshoes do you prefer?" "How do you manage to brush your own tail?" "Do you sleep standing up?" "Why are horse penises so large not that I'm looking?" - I got to the nitty gritty of the sisters lives.
"Truth be told," Annette explains, "we aren't even sisters. Our trainer tried to find five brown horses but after acquiring only three, went broke and settled for the black and white(ish) horses he inhereted years earlier from his uncle Merv." If you are curious about the extra black horse that appears in the photo above, Anette, the black sister explains: "This is Frank, our understudy. Should I die he will replace me as Annette. I can't promise he won't do a lousy job, though. His trot makes Bambi's first steps after birth look like ballet! Worse any trot I've seen."
Interestingly enough, the gender of the Dionne Quintuplets seems somewhat of a farce. Celine and Yvonne were born Angus and Charles - names that allude to English schoolboys not small town French Canadian girls. One may be concerned, especially those interested in birthing centaurs or minotaurs, about the Quintuplet's old age. It is true, they have very few fertile years left and at their old age, pregnancy and birth would be risky with defective results... one may expect a pony and out comes an ass. However, if you seek that balance between hedonistic polyamoury and old-age companionship - the Dionne Quintuplets are your gals (or guys)!
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