Single #2: Shindy Mashtersh

Meet Shindy

Gender: Female

Age: 44 (189 in dog years)

Body Type: Shlim with excessively-large jointsh.

Best Asset: My laugh. I laugh without opening my mouth. I try to prevent wrinklesh that way but then I jusht end up growling! Ha!

Seeking: A guy I can have shome fun with! That'sh under 25!

About Shindy
"I really jusht love a nishe glassh or two of wine at the end of the work day," Shindy responded when asked the question: "where do you live?" A self-professed "cougar", Shindy enjoys nothing better than the company of young virile men. "They're not lajzy like the rest of em'. They're eager to pleashe... if you get what I'm shaying!" Shindy winks, smiles and pauses before adding "I'm talking about shex. Right? You wij me?"

Heiress to the infamous Motel 8 chain that can be found littering Canadian highways from coast to coast, Shindy possess a business-savy mind and a love for travel. "Shome shay I've got a permanent cashe of the travel bug!" Shindy later revealed that this was in fact a minor case of bed bugs acquired at the Motel 8 just outside of Saskatoon.

You'll never encounter a dull moment with Shindy! This firecracker of a woman is always on the go - a fast-paced lifestyle she adores. "I'm not one to shit around and complain about the weajer, you know? I'm a go-getter. I'm a doer. I'm not a thinker. I'm a do-er. I do. Not think. Do. Think? No. Do. Go go go." So to all you single men out there under 25, you best be equipped with the stamina to keep up with Shindy. She may be 189 in dog years, but this pup is still wanting to play all day.

Single #1: Poochie

Meet Poochie

Gender: Female

Age: 11 years old (57 in dog years).

Body Type: Fluffy, white, eight nipples.

Eye Colour: Terrified.

Seeking: Male companion for early retirement.

About Poochie
Those who know her don't hesitate to admit that Poochie (sometimes known as "pooch" to close friends) has baggage! Born as runt in a litter of 8 other Bichon Frisés, Poochie was diagnosed as a retarded sheep by veterinarians in her birthplace of northern Quebec (for those kinky and curious, yes she does speak french in bed). "She may be a retarded sheep, but she has a heart of gold" said the Veterinarian in a funny accent thick enough that it's possible he wasn't talking about Poochie at all.

Most people are drawn-in by Poochie's majestic belladonna eyes. Snowball, Poochie's older sister, described the cute pup's eyes as "constantly filled with a look of blood-curdling horror, I'm surprised she's able to blink." Oh siblings!

As a post-menopausal woman with anxiety disorder, bladder stones, a slipped disk in the lumbar region and anal glands frequently in need of expression, it's no doubt that the most attractive thing Poochie looks for in a mate is "his family health coverage and prescription plan."

It's hard to resist this lovable mess of a mutt. Once you win her over and her quivering anxiety mellows down, you'll see first hand that the rewards outweigh the 18 years it took her to trust you and recognize you with a hat on.